For now, you can know me as “Girl Guilt-Free.” I am a business woman in my early twenties, who is on a journey to cherish and experience life, guilt-free. So why have I not shared my name? Well, there are several reasons.
1. “What’s in a name?” – Shakespeare nailed it! I don’t know that sharing my name would add anything to my journey. In fact, I find that a name often gives way to assumptions by revealing someone’s culture, ethnicity, religion, etc. While characteristics like my ethnicity are a huge part of who I am, I don’t want those characteristics to influence this blog. This journey is that of a girl, on a mission to set herself and others free of guilt. That is all you need to know for now. 🙂
2. I haven’t shared my diagnosis of Hypothalamic Amenorrhea with friends and family. Part of this is because I am not ready yet, and don’t want people freaking out and feeling sorry for me. After all, this is a VERY REVERSIBLE condition that I think I will be ready to share once I am well on my way to recovery. For now, I just need to be anonymous for my own healing. If any of you have think you may know I am, I request that you please refrain from posting my identity on public forums. 🙂
I am a huge foodie, and fitness enthusiast, but face the challenges of a stressful work life on a daily basis. I am on a journey to find a work-life balance that allows me to stay healthy (both mentally AND physically), while allowing myself the occasional indulgence GUILT-FREE.
Please feel free to reach out to me with questions, comments, or if you would like to share your story: firstname.lastname@example.org
Thank you for stopping by my blog!
My Weight-Loss Journey
I grew up being extremely overweight, and embarked on a 2.5 year-long journey to lose 75 lb at the age of 20. I felt phenomenal – happier and healthier in all aspects of my life. Unfortunately, this feeling was short-lived. What had started as a positive lifestyle change soon spiraled in to obsessive, stressful, and overly critical behavior. No scale number was low enough for me. I stopped being grateful for how far I had come, and instead obsessed over every 0.5 lb fluctuation in my weight. I pushed myself during workouts too – compromising food, sleep, and social gatherings to workout.
Some of my friends and family noticed the unhealthy nature of my weight-loss addiction early on. “Stop! Don’t lose anymore weight,” some of them would say. I would sometimes shrug off their advice, and even took it as a compliment several times. Boy had I wanted to be the ‘skinny girl’ my entire life.
Come spring of 2014 – I was staffed on a high-burn, traveling project (I was on a plane twice a week), and decided to run my first ever marathon. While I like to consider my type-A personality a blessing, it can sometimes be a curse in disguise. Once again, I prioritized my marathon training over food, sleep, and social gatherings. It didn’t matter if I’d only gotten 4.5 hours of sleep; nothing would stop me from building up to 26 miles. I told myself that I wouldn’t finish the marathon if I skipped a single run on my marathon plan. You can only imagine what this did to my body – mentally, and physically.
If the stress of training for a marathon wasn’t enough, I was going to be spending a long weekend, vacationing with my friends. This involved wearing a bikini for the first time. This was a HUGE deal to the fat girl who had grown up wearing women’s one-piece swimwear, and being teased for her ‘fat thighs.’ I became even more obsessive. I was eating 1200 calories per day, and training for a marathon on top of that. When I went over the 1200 calorie mark, I would try to compensate by cutting calories the next day. We had a team dinner at a phenomenal steak house one evening, where I calculated that I ate about 2000 calories, and ate roughly 400 calories the next day to prevent myself from feeling guilty. Did I skip my run on the day I ate 400 calories? Absolutely not!
I did it though – I ran my first every marathon, and sported a bikini for the very first time. All of the pain was worth it, or so I thought!